Trouble sleeping

I wonder what it means that my nightmare has been shifting more to other people. That I have opened up to others to an especially vulnerable extent? Maybe not; when I was younger I would often lay awake at night mourning the future deaths of those I love. Originally was going to title this "I don't know what I would do without you" but forgot that in the few minutes it took to begin. Perhaps better for it, since the intended writing has expanded beyond discreet reference to you know who you are. I suppose it is anxiety that I leave soon. In two days, or tomorrow, depending how one would rather count from now. Leave and leave behind the wonderful people who I love and have been living with these many weeks. We would still be able to communicate of course, but that is a wrenching reminder of not being able to reach out and brush fingers along each other's arms. So I couldn't sleep. Tired and eager to rest, slipped under cosy covers but mind intruded. Brought up variations on the scenarios of terror that in the past oft kept us awake until dawn and exhausted daylight sleep. Imagined, a variation on the opening minutes of the remade Dawn of the Dead, a noise at the door, Pazi opens it and a young zombified girl is there, attacks, not gotten away and closed quickly enough, she is bitten and we are trapped in the apartment (visualisation of alternate scenario, attempted escape via window to car, likely failure). That we can't bring ourselves to destroy our beloved, so accept in terror fate and wait for her to turn and turn us, or that maybe we can, almost, but wait to see if the bite is so contagious, and either we cannot bring ourselves to end someone we love so or we fail at it and are contaminated anyway. The trouble with being over here is that when plagued by such thoughts we have far less recourse to online socialisation as our remedy, to distract us until we can sleep without terror, as those we would turn to are asleep or should be soon. We have relied on them being around through the night. Intended, for a long while, to be making more posts, to be writing and sharing the words which come to us. This is an unpleasant way to resume, but at least it is a resumption. Intend for more to follow appropriately.