Another Notch in the Bone

I've tried to cut my intake a bit further the last two weeks. While I was at IMPACT, I wasn't able to diet (all the food was buffet style), or exercise. The former I guiltily enjoyed as it felt like I hadn't a proper tasty meal in ages. The latter I begrudged, but the MGM's fitness room cost you $25 a day. A day! Ludicrous. Besides, I did have certification exams that week, and exercising takes quite a bit of energy and time. Furthermore, the actual conference area was a 15 minute walk from my hotel room -- one way. I can only hope that all the walking made up for it.

Cutting my intake, however, does cause a number of problems. The biggest of which is depression. By limiting what I eat, I'm committing myself to a subtle, persistent miasma of depression that follows me wherever I go. I'd like to say that this is largely psychosomatic, but eating alleviates the symptoms all too quickly.

I can counter for a while with water, but it only puts off the inevitable. My body demands food, and will make me patently miserable until it gets it. This is yet another reason I loathe my physical cage. On Sunday I managed to subsist on eggs from the hotel buffet for breakfast, a burrito and a bag of tortilla chips half of which served for lunch, and the other dinner. I might have cut it back too much that day, although I never felt physically hungry. I was drown in a wave of depression from how badly I had treated my 2nd girlfriend. In that case, it was hard to tell if the depression was physical, emotional, or (most likely) a combination.

I'm really hoping that all of this suffering will have some sort of positive outcome. The hotel scale read 269.5 yesterday. I'm not sure how accurate it is, as the one at the YMCA read 274. I could have sworn it was 272 last week...

I certainly do feel thinner as of late. My waist seemed shockingly small when I rested my hands on my hips at work yesterday. The biggest surprise has been how I look in new, smaller clothing. I splurged this week and bought new jeans and a new blouse. Both are smaller sizes than I had ever owned before. The jeans I had bought on Sunday, and the blouse this evening. I couldn't believe what I looked like in the mirror when wearing both of them together. I am actually smaller! If now I can only weigh less to match, *sigh*.