Review
Work has been exhausting as of late. There's so much going on that I rarely seem to have the time to sit back and toy with this technology or that. There is documentation to write, courseware to produce, clients to travel to, and infrastructure to build.
Sometimes I forget amidst the whirlwind tasks that I'm considerably lucky to be have the job I do. I may not make as much as I would in a larger company, nor may I have as nice of benefits, but I have a great deal more opportunity. I work in an organization that I can use my talents to my company's products, and have those efforts respected. I don't need to be in a certain position with a certain seniority to do some of the things I do. I work at a company that an inexperienced no-nothing such as myself can be in a position of expertise within three short years.
Could that happen at IBM? Sun? Oracle? Microsoft?
My yearly performance review was this week. I joked a few times with my co-workers, "If I weren't so busy, I'd have the time to actually worry about it." They assured me that I had nothing to worry about, and indeed they were right.
When I was looking at the numbers on the review worksheet, I could hardly believe it. They rank you on several metrics from zero to five. I could not find anything lower than a 4. My customer satisfaction rating, to my shock, was 95%. While work has been comparatively slow this year, I've blown away everyone I've worked with.
While the numbers were all in my favor, the economy is not. Going into my review, I told myself to expect nothing at all this year for a raise -- not even a cost of living increase. I knew the shortfall my department has this year, I knew that the outlook looked resoundingly dismal for the next. Thankfully, reality once again surprised me.
My boss went out of her way be honest with me about the situation. "If we were having this review in January, I would be promoting you to Senior Trainer." I've been striving toward that end ever since I started working at the company. The money that they seniors make seems too good to be true. The problem is that we only have so many slots for the position available, combined with the economy there's no way to make that happen, yet. "I would like to promote you in a March/May timeframe, and that would involve an incremental wage inscrease." No promises, no numbers, but the fact this was on the table was surprising to me for a number of reasons.
Since I started my employ, the definition of Senior Trainer has changed a few times. Hell, the definition of what makes a Trainer/Consultant valuable to the organization has changed. It used to be that you would have to have at least 150 points, 1 point earned for each week of paid work and 10 for each certification. Success was identified by the number of weeks you were on paid assignments, and the amount of money those assignments brought it.
A year ago that changed. Now a Senior is someone with experience in three "pillars". A pillar is tantamount to knowledge of a particular Enterprise Technology. I'm currently in two pillars -- WebSphere MQ and all the monitoring software my company produces. I am currently working toward knowledge of WebSphere Process Server, Application Server, and Message Broker. I don't have a firm grip on any of those technologies at this point, but I'm slowly getting there. A successful trainer no longer has to solely bring in revenue, but is judged on the perceived value to the company. This plays to my favor as I enjoy infrastructure projects, and improving our courseware. These things don't directly bring in revenue, but can be used to bring in a great deal more over time.
My boss continued to discuss what my options would be going forward in my career. Seniors can develop themselves along two branches. The first branch involves an expectation of weekly consulting and expertise in a wide variety of technologies. A person in this position would be expected to eventually be capable of archetecting an entire enterprise. The second branch involves occasional consulting, but more mentoring, teaching of classes, and the development of courseware. My boss anticipated my next thought, "While you could do both, developing those skills would take a very, very long time." I was already operating at the level of the second branch already, she continued, and I wouldn't need to do more to fulfill my goals there. Even so, I had to make a choice.
I love consulting, as much stress as it causes me. I love to implement a solution and leave a client feeling that they are better off now than they were when I arrived. I love seeing technology being put to use to improve an organization. I also love writing courseware. The writer in me is immensely gratified to be able to compose a book or class that can instruct and empower individuals. I enjoy seeing the light in my student's eyes when they understand a key feature or concept. I love it when I see a copy of a class I had written on someone's desk, a well thumbed reference.
The fact is, sadly, that among technical people there are more architect types than there are creative types. I recognized this early on in my tenure and I've worked to push the quality of our materials and our presentation. This fact was noted by my boss, who claimed that I had pushed the envelope for our entire department. This surprised me a bit, since I was only concerned with the idea that we as an organization can do better. Our courseware can be better, our documentation can be better, and it doesn't take more than a few changes in methodology to do it.
Thinking about this, I knew that I would be more of a value to the company to leverage my seemingly rare combination of talents. This has excellent payoff in the short term, but continuing to move toward an architect-level of knowledge would be the best for my overall career in the long run. Perhaps it won't take as long as I expect.
There were other metrics and aspects of my career we discussed, two of which stuck prominently in my mind.
Admittedly, I'm not the best with intra-personal relationships. I've had more than a few bad experiences, and this results in tendency to be reserved with anyone with whom I'm not comfortable. As a consultant, you need to be professional, but assertive enough to get your point across. What happened at this point in the review quietly side-swiped me.
"Now, something like this is simply easier for a man than a woman." As the short speech continued on the nature of gender dynamics I couldn't help but squirm quietly in my chair. I couldn't deny the sense of what she was saying, however; the perception of being an authority is a male[-presented] privilege. I simply hadn't considered it that way before. I had thought my personality was to blame for my reservation, and not my gender. As her discussion on the subject was brought to a close, I was once again painfully reminded of the perils of being a deep-stealth transwoman working under conservative-minded superior.
Thankfully, the fear and worry I was feeling was about to be replaced with a kind of ironic humor. The second metric that stuck out at me was stress management. I had thought myself rather good at managing my stress levels, although this year has been particularly draining. I went out on flights at the last minute, I dealt with testy clients, I thought I was doing pretty well. My boss greatly appreciated this quality of me, "but there's another side of this." And that side is knowing when to take vacation or comp time for extra hours.
I'm admittedly bad about this. The persistent thought that "things need doing" is so overpowering to me that I let it override my need for rest, space, or decompression. I admit that it can be a bit frustrating at times, but I justify it by telling myself that I wouldn't want to appear to be lazy or a slacker. If there's work to be done, there's no reason why it can't be done now. So I lose a little free time, what's the harm? Apparently my boss thinks otherwise -- she actually docked me for working too much. She's concerned that I'm pushing myself too hard, and that I'll burn out. I can't say I blame her, I've felt burnt out for most of the last year. Even so, I couldn't see the ironic humor in this, almost as if to say, "Now go home and take some time off or they'll be consequences!"
The review finished with the discuss of a raise. I am getting one this year, although the specific number has yet to be determined. $2500 was the ballpark figure, but nothing has been solidified as of yet. I went home, but didn't do anything to celebrate my apparent success.
I was tired; I was already thinking of what lay ahead of me. I had to plan my client engagement for next week. I had to clean my apartment for my week long absence. I had to fill out my application form for SRS, sending it and a $500 deposit to my surgeon. I had to exercise. I made myself dinner and ate quietly at my desk like it were any other evening.
