All Around Reservoir of Misanthropy


It's been two weeks since my last post, public or otherwise. Much of my absence is due to illness.

True to being a workaholic, I tend to ignore sickness and press on with work. Typically if I feel strong enough to ready myself for the day, and strong enough to drive, I'm strong enough to work. Only on rare occasions have I been so ill that simply taking a shower was too much effort. My friends and coworkers aren't very fond of my stubbornness. Many are afraid that I'll hurt myself or worse. I've relaxed that policy a bit with my current job, as I can work from home if I'm not well enough to drive.

Less often will I see a doctor. Despite the fact I'm fortunate enough to be insured (a growing rarity in the US), the average trip to a doctor sets me back $350. Even with my current income, that's quite a bit of my monthly profit. For me to see a doctor, I need to be terribly sick, in unbearable pain, or terrified. My analytical mind doesn't help: Invariably I self-diagnose before seeing a doctor. After all, why go to the expense if all they're going to tell me is, "it's a virus, get plenty of sleep and fluids"?

In the last month I've seen a doctor twice. Needless to say, I've been quite terrified. Sometimes gripping, but more often a vague grinding terror that invades your sleep and drains your energy. The word "cancer" was thrown about, thankfully not by either of the two doctors I've seen (now you see what trouble an analytical mind can be). That word is particularly frightening to me given my family history. My mother, her sister, and other relatives on both sides of my ancestry died after being diagnosed.

The antibiotics I've been prescribed seem to working. I still have trouble sleeping, but I've been improving. Part of my continued sleeplessness is work. Since last Wednesday I've been working at new client in the southeastern 'Cities. The drive is longer, but I'm thankful for a change in work. Since early January I've been in the middle of a massive rewrite of my course material. After writing 6 labs of 30-40 pages each, my writing talent felt stone-dead.

Even though my current task is yet more documentation (up to 37 pages today!), the majority of my tasks are MQ administration and upgrade planning. It's a welcome change from the constant grind of lab writing.

Paper Girl is still on my mind, but it's been so difficult to work up the energy to write. I've been working on a second chapter centered around Miki. I can't quite seem to figure out how to start her story arc. Hopefully something will occur to me soon.