Ramble [Samantha/Rachana]

Had a moment today where I realized I was passing, contextually, as "responsible adult" at the support group I facilitate on Wednesdays. -- Understanding and accepting my feelings and brainthings is an important part of becoming more how-I-want-to-be. Self-censure and self-censorship cut down on reflective coherence. Goes for motivations to make such change too -- all aspects must be illuminated for behavior and intention to cohere. -- http://www.flickr.com/photos/hotash/189102330/ Blue Raspberries are really a thing! I did not know this. Considering I come from the same place as them (and like to gather wild plant foods there), that's funny. -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence Interesting to see this explored scientifically. The "Intrusive thinking" part is somewhat accurate in my case (it doesn't so much work its way into every thought I have as just I spend a lot more time thinking about the person who's the focus of the limerence). Fear of rejection is huge; I often find ways to try and dispel that early, and even if I'll be okay, objectively, once the rejection has happened and it's been processed, it still causes anguish. The physical effects are very intense, for me -- "love sick" isn't a bad word for what can happen in an intense case. I also don't get the "need for exclusivity" trait there, but hey, poly. >> Sexual attraction seems to be a bit of a seperate variable, though, and I'm not sure how much this sensation dovetails with my tendency to feel both crush and attraction as a normal part of social bonding with people. It's certainly not the case that everyone for whom I feel that winds up inspiring this sort of really intense, emotional-physiological response. Brains are weird! o.O -- Does anyone know the word for models-of-consciousness that purport to view it as naturalistic-but-non-discrete phenomenon? Like, analogy-wise you'd compare it to a television signal vs a TV showing a program specified by that signal? Someone mentioned it recently, it reminded me of some stuff both Alice and John have mentioned vis their views of afterlife, but I don't know if there's a word for this way of looking at it. (It got stuck in my head recently after a conversation with somebody, and now I want a term to refer to it.) -- Need more income this year. Student loans brought current; need to deal with so can go back to school. Won't be able to do that until Fall, most likely. But if can get financial aid, then more money. Otherwise: Job. Don't know how to make looking for one more-successful than it has ever been. Arg. -- Tired. Cranky. Why am I not asleep? -- http://sustainableseedco.com/Oaxacan-Green-Dent-Corn.html The corn. Is. Green. o.o Even tastes green according to the add copy (typo, or a fellow synaesthete? You decide...) I want to grow this. Y'know. When we have a yard. -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_pqnsKWlpc I don't know if I'm able to unpack it entirely right now, but this clip sorta encapsulates my dissatisfaction with cynicism as an affectation, and the concomitant dismissal of anything made out to be positive or happy or gushy. It's like, who died and made you the damn Terminator? (That's totally a hereditary position.) -- https://twitter.com/#!/auntysarah/status/162162871990616064 Implicitly cute snake is implicitly cute. -- Need to write intro adventure for Shadowrun. Got a couple days to do it. Goal: an interesting meetup joint, a random "encounter" to set the tone of the game and give the PCs a hook for their intro to the shadowrunning life (how will they react to a given situation, and what will it shape about how the world reacts to them?), and then their first group job. We *may* spend the first session doing pre-party RP though, just so everyone knows their angle on why they're there, but I wanna be able to dive right into a boilerplate "you all meet for a contract job" scenario, with a little fluff and "get to know ya" dispersed. -- Also: need to send off verification of SSDI income to DOE so they put me on hardship deferment for my student loans. No gaming group this week, so I should get on that after swimming. -- Sleepy. Brain still full, too much and too complicated to get it all out. Ah well. Sleep time, I guess. Night.