But then what will?


I feel I've lost myself over the last several years. I've lost my ability to write, to draw, to program, to create. Most nights pass away quickly and quietly with movies, music, or podcasts. It's difficult to focus on being creative when you work in a content production industry; by the time the evening comes, there's little energy left to do more.

I've taken a few steps hoping to reorganise my life. I work from home now, eliminating communting time and vastly reducing lunch expenses. I've dropped my gym membership, opting instead to exercise at home using a cyclist's trainer and a handfile of other equipment. I have tried to add more quiet time to my schedule in the hope that the silence will allow for a calmer mindset. 

Even with all of this, I still find it difficult to focus on the creative efforts I once enjoyed. With age, in my case, came timidity. So much so that writing a simple blog post can be an epic struggle against thumbing the Delete Key. Friends and co-workers alike have suggested that I'm simply overworked, and that a long vacation and a change of scenery would snap me out of my doldrums. 

The thing is, I've had vacations. I've had comp time. I've had holidays. None of these have helped. The trouble is not where I am, but how I am. Fixing that will take much, much more time.

And require much, much more effort.