I was not going to make this post. I wanted to write something last Wednesday about a disappointing day, then added intention of covering the next day too, and the next, with various busyness meaning I did not feel able to write anything until just recently again. And by then I was not feeling in much of a mood to write anything, or seeing much point in talking about things that happened a week ago and were unimportant even then. From the beginning of this year I have avoided spending as much as I can since I expected paying for all my own food during my mother's vacation would cost a significant amount of unemployment income, and I was already obligated to pay most of that to other sources. Well, after seven months of that and feeling I was doing well getting to look after myself and I had a scheduled appointment with my unemployment case manager, it seemed a good opportunity to treat myself to something nice. Unfortunately the game I wanted had been discontinued half a year before I heard about it, and despite research indicating there was a game store in the area that still had it, they turned out not to. Likewise for the music I wanted to buy - the store I'd seen it in last year no longer had any copies either, and I didn't know of any other music stores in the area. Very disappointing, especially as I'd learned not only was I to be attending unemployment skills classes the next week, but that I'd been unemployed long enough my situation is likely to become complicated soon if I do not find work. Probably just as well for me; food is expensive and I should probably be minimising expenses for a while after too, instead of lunging for the most expensive items on my 'want' list, limited availability or not... The next few days were pretty up and down too, although right now I do not recall the details. I think my main fear at the moment is that when I do find employment I won't be able to manage also looking after my self in my non-working life. At the moment it seems a very plausible outcome and I don't know how I will be able to handle that. I was talking with Tess about plans for the future. From what I hear, the job market in the United States is much worse than in Australia, and I suspect as a foreigner I'd also be not favoured for any positions going. Given the difficulty I have had finding work here it seems sensible to expect at least as much trouble as I've had so far (and so far I have not found work). I suggested to Tess that given this, I might try un-giving up on the idea of selling my fiction for publication. Still do not expect I would have much success with that, nor am I feeling very eager about it, but it might bring in a little bit extra now and then. I suppose, then, I ought to take writing a bit more professionally, if I'd be seeking money for it. Take seriously the time I have nominally devoted to it, as any job. Should work out branding matters? What name to seek credit under, and whether I should aim to with names separate erotic from other writing. Writing pieces to fit structured calls for submissions seems a daunting task, and I am not sure how well I will do at that. Almost never written to the specification of another before, but it seems like something I should at least attempt. I really do not know what to do about all this. Must think about, and feeling too hurried now to write lengthier musings on the pros and cons of any approach. So short always on time?