I get annoyed when people use "I want to understand" to mean "I want your explanation to compel me to possess your perspective". An intellectual understanding should be sufficient. Frex: "People dislike 'it' used as a pronoun often because that word is typically used as a term for inanimate objects or non-humans and people find it dehumanising, which they find unpleasant" should be sufficient. The explanation doesn't need to convince you to agree with other people, only to know what their perspective is - else it will never be 'sufficient' in your view. At least in cases where it is a matter of differing personal preference, or of respecting another person's difference. One needn't convert eir perspective to that of the other party, only accept that the other party is accurately representing emself.