Work has been more than exhausting as of late. The project I'm currently working on is such a huge priority for the company that we've bypassed many of the expected procedures and timetables in order to complete it. The result, for me at least, has been writing two classes cocurrently in a third of the time usuall given to create one. I've been putting in extra hours many days of the week, and donated most of my weekend to making some modicum of progress.
This morning, my deadline is still frighteningly close. Thanks to the above effort, however, I'm more than half way done. I actually feel confident I can have the class finished in time without losing another weekend.
Often at times like this, I remember the speech Dr. Tyrell gave to Roy in Blade Runner: "The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy." Does all this workaholism have an effect on the proximity of mortality? It certainly has an effect on my health, whether or not that is permanent, however, one cannot tell.
Pazi and I have been suffering through the Midwestern heat the last two weeks. We could run the AC non-stop, but I'm concerned about the expense and, to a lesser extent, the effect on the environment. Since Pazi has returned to Minnesota from Cascadia, it's become clear to us both that this isn't the best place for her. As a result, we're considering a cross-country move to Orgeon when our lease is up. Contingent on this is having the money available. We estimate the moving costs at $3000. It's possible, but I'd rather have the money decide the issue for us rather than putting everything on a credit card.
I worry about moving away from my 30 year home. I grew up here. I know the places and people. In moving away, I'll be in a different culture, with different weather, and far away from my small circle of friends. I worry about leaving them behind. I worry that it might signal the end for any projects on which we're collaborating. I worry about the sense of isolation that will create.
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I love that "burned so very
I love that "burned so very very brightly" quote.
You're worries are well-founded. You only need to look at the money-pit Seattle became for me. The city peed in my Wheaties at the very beginning and has been swirling the bowl ever since. The friends I've made and job I have is good, but not enough for me not to want to leave. I haven't left because I really can't leave right now.
But there's also the good side of a move. I've made several life-changing moves over the years. To Pennsylvania, to Austin, to Seattle. And for the most part, they were good. Pennylvania was a very very very massive culture shock...but I met good people, was well supported, the down-home Pennsylvania-Dutch culture appealed to my country-fried Texas sensibilities, and having Penn State right there appealed to the sciency/educationy person in me. Five years later, I considered making it my permanent home. The only reason we moved to Austin was that Dean and I were at the top of our games in PA, and making only $7/hr each.
And for those five years in PA, I maintained all of my friends in Texas, made new ones in PA, and kept them all these years. The little girl who was the inspiration for Hanna in AWFW just graduated and I congratulated her. The friends I've made in Austin are mostly still with me (and those that are not, have left because of other issues than my move).
You're right to worry. It could go all wrong. But it could also go so right, or be something completely unexpected. Even Seattle has it's charms.
Although those are usually pretty far away from Seattle. ;)
I'd suggest doing what I planned: Stay for a year before committing to it or leaving. Save up anough money to move (my move cost me about $1500 from Texas, but I brought next to nothing, and my parents delivered it to me later on a vacation trip to the area). But, while you're here, don't worry to much about recouping your losses from the move - save it for a move back. If things don't work out, you'll be ready at the end of the year to move back. If you don't move, you've got enough to pay back your first trip.
I'd give you Geri's four rules of survival, but I don't think they apply in your case (and Pazi has issues with them, anyways ;) )