Hotel Carpeting

After my last entry, I had a rather lousy week. Not lousy because of the client -- they are in fact wonderful people -- but because of the situation. Through a long series of events I ended up updating software at midnight, Sunday morning.

In the end, that wasn't so bad either. The resulting fatigue wasn't pleasant of course; those who know me know I never sleep well, one such odd night can throw everything off for days or weeks. Nevertheless, I had forgotten how fun it was to do something at odd hours. The emptiness of the office, the silence while at times menacing, holds a unique sort of peace.

Such peace I seem to have less and less of as time goes on. I'm exhausted. I miss my friends and my apartment. I desperately want to go home even if for only a few hours. I haven't been home for over two weeks solid now. I haven't had a week home in over four, and it may be another four or five before that happens.

Yes, in the middle of this is my trip the UK. While I'm thankful that I'm having a proper holiday for once -- and even happier it's in the middle of all this mess -- it still is time away from home. I miss the comforting patterns of my weeknights there. I miss the sounds of the distant highway to lull me to sleep. I miss the central time zone! I haven't been able to draw or read for a week now. Every evening when I finally have time to do it, it's past 9pm. Given that I get up at 6am, my energy typically taps out around 10 or 11pm if I'm lucky. Even so, by that hour I'm so mentally exhausted that I cannot fathom starting anything at that hour.

Perhaps my attitude is to fault. I'm not taking care of myself mentally, I'm simply myself until everything is done for the day, saying "to hell with my creative pursuits". In a lot of ways, I need them more than I need to be home. Drawing and reading or any mental downtime, keeps me sane and happy. I really need to respect that more than I do.